Soft Hearts, Electric Souls
by Tricia Belle
Summary: Lucas faces his biggest fear since Tombstone the bull—his ex-girlfriend, Riley Matthews.


**I found this in my archives. I wrote this back in 2016. Enjoy!**

Soft Hearts, Electric Souls

_Lucas faces his biggest fear since Tombstone the bull—his ex-girlfriend, Riley Matthews._

Lucas took a deep breath as he raised his fist to knock on the door in front of him. The door led to his ex-girlfriend's apartment. He hasn't talked to her since their breakup. She's tried reaching out to him several times since then, but he was scared. Scared to get close to her again. Scared to get hurt. Eventually, she gave up on trying to sever ties and it was safe to assume that she no longer wanted anything to do with him. She made sure he had no way of contacting her (when—if, he ever decided to), which in part was due to her moving out of her parents' apartment and changing her phone number six months later. He wasn't sure why he thought it was a good idea, but when he found himself back in New York City for the summer, he decided to pay her a visit.

Lucas and Riley had broken up halfway through their freshman year of college—deeming distance to be the cause. Riley remained in New York to attend Columbia, and Lucas returned to Texas to attend the school he's always dreamed of, A&M. Much to everyone's belief, they didn't turn out to be the high school sweethearts all their classmates had expected them to be. They couldn't live up to the expectations, it was too hard.

He hesitated to let his fist make contact with the door. He wanted to back out, but he knew he had to do this. He was done hiding. He needed answers. So he took a deep breath and knocked. His heart began to pound when he heard faint steps on the inside getting closer to the door. The door opened to reveal the only girl he's ever loved besides his mother.

"Lucas?" she was stunned. She didn't expect to see him at her doorstep. Though she was very much surprised, Lucas couldn't help but think about how beautiful she's gotten, if that were even possible. She's gotten slim, understandably due to the stress of school and presumably work. But her beauty was all the same. God, he missed her and those brown eyes he always seemed to get lost in.

"Hi," he sheepishly waved with a smile.

"How did you get my address?" Riley asked, crossing her arms over her chest. She made it perfectly clear that after her failed attempts at contacting him that she never wanted to speak to him again.

"I, uh," Lucas scratched the back of his neck. "Farkle told me. I tried asking the others but they wouldn't budge. Didn't expect him to be the one to cave."

"Well, I need to have a talk with Farkle," Riley muttered to herself. She had specifically requested that her friends not give out her personal information to Lucas.

"Can I come in?" Lucas asked.

"I guess," Riley shrugged. She stepped aside to let Lucas inside her one-bedroom apartment. She rolled her eyes when she got a whiff of the cologne he was wearing as he passed by her. She missed that scent. She couldn't believe he still wore it after all these years. Riley had originally planned to move in with Maya but those plans quickly dissipated when Josh asked Maya to move in with her instead. And of course, Maya couldn't say no. So now Riley was stuck living alone. She enjoyed it, though. The peace and quiet she got only attributed to her freedom.

Her apartment was an open concept type, the kitchen and living room basically one room. Lucas scanned the place. His eyes landed on the wine bottle that rested on the kitchen island and the wine glass that sat beside it. Last he remembered, Riley never had a drink of alcohol in her life and wasn't planning on it either.

Riley returned to her position from when before Lucas arrived—at the kitchen island. Curious, Lucas followed her and sat in the empty seat beside her. She picked up the quarter full glass and took a swig. Lucas raised his eyebrows.

Riley felt his eyes on her. She turned to him. "What?"

Lucas looked at his hands that he rested on the island and shook his head, "Nothing."

"No, tell me," Riley pressed.

"It's nothing… I just didn't know that you drink," Lucas truthfully said.

"I do," Riley confirmed with a nod.

Being in her presence was strange to Lucas. He didn't feel the same way he used to. Sure, he still had feelings for the brunette, but something about her was different. It was almost as if Lucas didn't know who she was anymore. Part of him knew it was because he hadn't bothered to talk to her after the breakup like she wanted to. And now she's shutting him out.

"Well, that's unlike you…" Lucas commented. He knew he shouldn't have said that, but his brain wasn't quick enough to send the message to his mouth.

"Excuse me?" Riley scoffed. She shot him daggers which he swore could've pierced his soul. "Lucas, we haven't talked in years! How would you know anything about me? You can't come into my apartment assuming you still know me!"

Lucas wasn't surprised by her reaction. He estimated the amount of wine she drank before he arrived, and it was enough to get her buzzed. Like most girls Lucas knew, he assumed that it didn't take too much alcohol to get Riley just a little bit drunk.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Lucas admitted. He suddenly felt claustrophobic. He swallowed the lump in his throat. He had never felt this way around her before. Usually she'd have a calming effect on him, but now he just felt just like he did when he was fourteen and had to ride Tombstone the bull—scared. He was so scared of Riley. He wasn't sure exactly when it happened, but he knew it was sometime after their breakup.

"My drinking habits?" Riley slurred. She pointed a finger at him. "You have no right."

"I don't think we should be talking about this while you're not sober," Lucas said. Sure, it'd make things easier for him to say what he wanted to say to her while she had alcohol in her system, but he also wanted to make sure he got his message across and that she'd remember their encounter in the morning.

"I know how to take my alcohol," Riley waved him off. "I'm fine. Now talk. I didn't let you into my apartment for nothing."

"Um, okay.." Lucas's voice trailed off. His palms began to sweat. He looked around the room. He realized that she had a balcony. He pointed in that direction. "Do you think we could go get some fresh air?"

"Whatever," Riley rolled her eyes. She placed the wine glass back on the island and led him to the balcony. They looked over at the city as they felt the cool summer night hit their faces.

Lucas tried to find the right words to say. Things weren't really going in his favor. He just didn't know how to talk to her. And talking to her used to be one of his most favorite things in the world. It annoyed him to no end that even attempting a conversation was so hard for him now.

"You wanted to talk, right?" Riley finally broke the silence, annoyance dripping in her voice. "Where were you a couple of years ago when _I _wanted to talk, huh? What makes you think I want to talk to you now?"

"For one… you let me in," Lucas breathed.

Riley scoffed, she knew he was right.

"Riley, I'm scared of you," was all Lucas could manage to say.

"Scared? Of me?" Riley scoffed. She mentally kicked herself for not bringing her wine glass out with her. She could really use a sip. "I'm one of the happiest and nicest people you know. That's not possible."

"You broke my heart," Lucas deadpanned. He gulped. They haven't talked since the breakup, and that was two years ago.

"I know I did," Riley replied. She tried not to show emotion in her voice. She knew it would be a dead giveaway. She let her cold demeanor fall. She put up her cynical façade shortly after the breakup, when she assumed that Lucas was over it. Over her. What she failed to oversee was that as hard it was to play the cynic, it didn't take much to drop the act when it came to Lucas. As much as she'd hate to admit it, she really still did want to talk to him after all these years. She looked down at her hands, which was clutching the railing. She frowned. "I tried to reach out to you."

"I know," Lucas turned away, trying to focus his gaze anywhere but on the brunette that stood so close beside her. He could smell her fruity perfume lightly mixed with the smell of the alcohol she drank earlier. "I… I just couldn't do it."

Riley looked up at him with sad eyes, him still avoiding her gaze.

"Because you're scared of me," Riley realized. "Because I broke up with you."

Lucas released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. It was true, Riley was the one who ended things. But he didn't know all the right reasons. And that's why Riley tried to talk to him afterward, to explain her intentions.

"Lucas, why are you scared of me?" Riley finally asked, turning her whole body to face him. He continued to look out at the city scene. He wasn't sure he could make eye contact with her. Not now.

"I was so close to answering every single call, every single text," Lucas began. He sighed. "But you were so persistent on the breakup. I knew you'd probably just want to confirm things, reiterate the fact that we were no longer going to be in each other's lives. I didn't want to be broken up with a second time, Riley."

Riley held her breath. She knew how hurt he was over the breakup. What she didn't know was that he assumed what she wanted to talk to him about was bad news. No, it was from that. She realized that he had lost faith in her. In them.

"You have no idea how guilty I feel," was all Riley could manage to say. She immediately walked to the opposite side of the balcony, away from him. Once she was at a safe distance, she felt tears pool in her eyes. Even after all these years, she knew deep in her heart that breaking up with him was a mistake. She thought that ending things would be best for both of them, but in truth, there was never a passing day where she never thought about him and wondered how he was doing. Him showing up at her doorstep was a scenario she had dreamed of several times, but she never actually anticipated it to actually happen.

Lucas didn't bother trying to reach her. He ran a hand through his hair and released another breath he didn't know he was holding. He looked over at her, but she seemed preoccupied with the city lights to feel his stare on her. He began to tense up. His palms started to sweat. So he did what he did whenever he felt anxious. He took out a pack of cigarettes from the light denim jacket he was wearing. He took one out before returning the pack to his pocket. He reached in the opposite pocket for the lighter to light his cigarette. He put the cigarette in his mouth a took a puff.

That seemed to get her attention. The smoke. She quickly composed herself and wiped her tears. She coughed and turned around to face her ex-boyfriend once again. She didn't think he'd be the type to smoke. But it's been years, and people change. Watching him repeatedly run his hand in his hair and smoking the cigarette made her realize something. The Lucas that stood a few feet away from her seemed like a completely different person. Sure, he looked the same, probably even more handsome than she'd last seen him, but she wouldn't admit that.

Lucas felt Riley's stare on him as he took another puff. He tried his hardest not to make eye contact with her. He knew how she felt about smoking—she didn't quite appreciate it. He believes he started smoking in spite of her, as a way to forget about her. But that didn't happen.

"You smoke?" Riley inquired, walking to stand beside him again. She tried to time her breaths so that she wouldn't inhale the smoke she loathed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry," Lucas frowned, looking down at the cigarette in between his fingers. "I know you don't like it."

Riley shrugged, "That's your choice."

They stood in silence once again. Both more nervous than their first kiss all those years ago. They never thought they'd feel this way again, especially when they realized how much they've changed.

The pair remained in silence for the next couple of minutes until Lucas finished his smoke. He was finally ready to talk. Really talk.

"You don't have to be guilty about ending things," Lucas breathed. "You just did what was best for you. And… I know that now. The only reason why I stopped myself from accepting your calls was because I didn't want to get pulled back in. I didn't want to hope that there'd be another chance for us. I was scared that one simple conversation would make me fall even more in love with you. I just couldn't set myself up for disappointment like that."

Riley frowned once again. She had never frowned so much in her life. Even throughout the breakup conversation they had years ago, she remained stoic. But she knew at this moment, she had her guard down. She tried so hard to keep it up, but with Lucas there and the nostalgia of first love lingering in the New York air, she couldn't do it.

"That's why you're scared of me?" Riley said.

"Riley, I know you never wanted me to find you," Lucas said, stuffing his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do with them. He figured it'd help fight the urge of grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her senseless. "But I really need to talk to you. I can't… get the thought of you out of my head. You have every right to be mad at me. Not answering you when you needed to talk was a bit of a dick move."

Riley opened her mouth to answer, but Lucas raised his palm and continued, "Let me finish. I just want to lay out all my feelings before I realize this is a bad idea. Riley. It's been years, but I still love you. I always thought we would get through college together, get through the distance. But… we failed. I was willing to try; you know I was. But, you weren't. Do you know much that hurt, Riley? For you to doubt our relationship? It really stung. After the break up I was never the same. I thought about you—a lot. And it scared me. I realized that since you broke up with me that you'd never want to resolve anything. I was so scared, Riley. Eventually I regretted not talking to you when you needed to talk to me so I tried reaching out to you, tried asking our friends about you, but they all just told me to leave you alone.

"And I think that's why I got even more scared of you. The way they made you sound, it intimidated me. You seemed so out of my reach. They said you didn't need me anymore, that you were so much better off. I understood, I guess, since you were the one who ultimately ended things. But, I don't know. I just felt like I needed to put my heart on the line and let you know how I've been the past couple of years. I returned to the city a couple of days ago for the summer. I met up with the guys, Maya refused to see me. I bugged Farkle and Zay about you to no end until they gave in. Zay never did. But Farkle ended up giving me your address. So now, here I am."

Lucas took a deep breath, letting Riley know that it was okay for her to respond.

"Lucas, I'm sorry," Riley said with a frown. "I never intended for you to feel this way. I cut off all ties because it was hard. When you never answered me, I gave up. Something that I hate doing. I've had a hard couple of years, too, you know? I failed a couple of courses in sophomore year so now I'm stuck in school for an extra year to catch up. It was a really hard time for me. All I could think about was you, but I knew the break up was for the best."

"For the best?" Lucas repeated. "Then why are we here confessing that we still have feelings for each other?"

"You know I never thought we would last the distance," Riley sighed.

Lucas clenched his jaw. Riley noticed.

"That's the thing, Riley," Lucas threw his head back in annoyance. "Why did you not believe in us? I was always in New York whenever I could, holidays, special occasions, I was always here. It hurt like hell when you gave up on us. Hell, I'm still holding on to that tiny piece of me that believes we'll end up together again. It took everything in me not to let that go."

Riley didn't respond. She didn't want to. She looked at her feet.

"Now tell me," Lucas stepped closer to her, "do you still believe in Pluto?"

Riley looked straight at his chest, unable to make eye contact, though it was obvious how desperate he was to lock eyes. She did still believe in Pluto. But if she admitted to it, she knew he'd get offended that she believed in something so far away, but not him.

"Yes," Riley gulped.

"Then why don't you believe in us?" Lucas asked with desperate eyes.

Riley stepped back and turned her back on him. She _hated_ that he thought she never believed in him. In _them_.

"Do you want to know why I needed to talk to you so bad after the breakup?" Riley's voice shook.

"No, why?" Lucas sighed in defeat.

"Because I made a mistake," Riley closed her eyes. "I wanted to tell you why I broke up with you in the first place. Honestly, I thought we would be holding each other back once we got to college. We wouldn't be able to have the normal college experience if we were worried about each other. I didn't want you to spend your time so hung up on me that you couldn't enjoy college—"

"But that's exactly what happened," Lucas interrupted, taking a step closer. She didn't move. "I couldn't stop thinking about you the whole time."

"Let me finish," Riley softly said. She took a deep breath. "When we broke up, you were so determined about keeping us together, but I refused. A couple of days later, I thought hard about it. I realized that not having each other in our lives would be harder than our lives without each other."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Lucas," she finally turned to face him once again. She opened her eyes and locked eyes with his emerald eyes she so enjoyed getting lost in. She furrowed her brows, "I was going to ask if you wanted to get back together with me. That's what was so important that I wouldn't leave you alone."

Lucas mentally kicked himself. Had he known all of this, he would've answered her calls and texts _immediately_ if it meant getting back together. He hung his head with regret.

"I… feel so… stupid," Lucas admitted. He looked into her eyes again, hurt evident in them. "Why didn't you try harder, Riley? Why didn't you get our friends to tell me?"

"Lucas," she said seriously, "our friends have been through enough of our shit. I thought that leaving them out of it was best. None of them know the reason we broke up. And if they do, I didn't tell them."

Lucas shook his head, "I never told them anything either. I assumed you did. Especially considering how much Maya hates me now."

"She doesn't," Riley assured him. "She hated that you never picked up. She wanted to call you herself and yell at you, but I wouldn't let her. I told her that it was between you and me. I'm surprised they all stayed out of it, to be honest. They always meddled in our relationship."

"So…" Lucas's voice trailed off. "You wanted to get back together with me?"

Riley slowly nodded. He took a step closer to her and took her hands in his.

"Do you still want to?" Lucas asked with hopeful eyes. For the first time in years, he felt his heart lighten.

"Even if I did," Riley said sadly, "we've both changed, Lucas."

"I'm sure our souls are still the same," Lucas breathed. He closed the space between them with another step.

"It's been years," Riley said flatly.

"I haven't dated anyone," Lucas confessed. "No one ever compared to you. No girl in Texas has the same light in your eyes that you have. Have you dated?"

"I have…" Riley let that word linger in the air for a while before adding, "not."

Lucas felt his heart do a backflip. Maybe he still had a chance with her.

Riley looked up at him, her chocolate eyes meeting his emerald ones for the nth time that night. She tensed up, knowing whatever was going to happen next was totally out of her control. She felt a sudden wave of relief rush over her, finally remembering what it felt like to be with him. Lucas's lips formed a straight line, he didn't want to give away how happy he was for them to be in this position. He finally felt that calming effect he knew she always had on him. With this, he concluded that maybe she hadn't changed so much at all, save for a few walls she had built.

They drowned in each other's eyes for little bit before Riley made the first move. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer to her, pressing her lips against his. When he didn't pull away, she deepened the kiss. She felt him smile. The kiss was everything they'd both hoped for and more. They didn't realize how much they hungered for each other's lips until they found themselves reunited after two years. Two, very long years. They felt electricity course through their veins, a feeling they both knew all too well.

"That…" Riley tried to catch her breath when she finally pulled away. "I felt it, Lucas, that electricity. It's still there."

"I don't think it ever left, to be honest," Lucas replied with a soft smile.

"I'm… so sorry," Riley took a step back and dropped her gaze to her feet once again.

Lucas frowned. After that kiss, was she about to reject him? She said it herself that she still felt something in that kiss.

"Riley," Lucas said as he reached to take her hands in his.

Riley bit her lip and shook her head. He could tell she was on the verge of tears. Before he was able to say anything, Riley threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around his torso. She sobbed into his chest. Lucas wasn't exactly sure what was running through her mind, but he let her cry. He didn't care that his shirt was going to be tearstained afterwards.

"I'm so sorry for not trying harder to reach you," Riley said in between sobs. Her voice was muffled as she still had her face buried in his chest. "What a waste of two years. Two years where we both could've been happy together. I'm so sorry for giving up. That's not like me." She composed herself and took a step back to look up at Lucas again, "How will you ever forgive me?"

"Get back together with me," Lucas offered. "I'm still very much in love with you."

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same way," Riley confessed, looking up at the love of her life. He placed a kiss on her forehead.

"Two years," Lucas said softly. "I can't believe we were apart for so long."

"But no matter what happens, gravity seems to pull us back together, doesn't it?" Lucas rested his forehead on hers. He wanted this moment to last forever. Maybe facing your fears wasn't always a bad thing.


End file.
